Taking a Break

Trainer to the stars V (TSV) gave me this breast cancer pen shortly after the diagnosis of my cancer recurrence in November 2012.  At the time the head was attached to the pen. I'm not sure if you can see all of the details here, but it has the breast cancer ribbon on it and when you push the buttons on the pen's back, pink breast cancer pen girl boxes.  It's pretty cute, and immediately made me think of taking up boxing (which is still on my to-do list.)  I kept it on my desk at work for awhile, and occasionally took it to meetings as a symbol of what I would be prepared to do if necessary. 

Several weeks ago, in transit, her head popped off.  I thought that was a bad sign.  I'm not terribly superstituous, but I do think that sometimes simple everyday occurences, such as a plant dying, can reflect what's happening in one's own life.  I guess when it's not reflective, you don't think much about it--you just throw the pen or the plant in the trash.

Pink breast cancer pen girl's head breaking off definitely made me pause.  It was yet another indication that my strength and spirit were at a breaking point.  That, as well as not being able to wake up easily before 11, having  screaming crying fits, not being able to find my car in the parking lot after chemo, and backing into a pole once I did find it.  They were all clues.  And, so, as shocking as it sounds even to me, I am taking a six-week break from work.  It is called short term disability (STD), but I believe that it is not contagious.   

It means that I actually am not supposed to work.  The STD process requires forms to be completed by me, my employer, and my doctor, and approved by the insurance provider.  I wonder how that process goes:   "Hmmm, she has stage IV cancer and is getting chemotherapy.  What do you think, Joe? Sound short-term disabled to you?" "I don't know, Bill. What else she got? Any mouth sores?"  The form for the physician raises interesting questions such as: how much weight I can lift and carry, and how long I am able to stand, walk, bend, squat, kneel, and work with others.  Hey, I might take offense at some of that. . .  what kind of job do they think I have anyway??  I don't recall any questions about how long I can talk on the phone, how many 100s of e-mails I can respond to in a day, or whether I am able to provide coherent legal analysis.

And so, pending approval by "Joe" and "Bill", I am taking a break. 

Updates to follow soon.

CDiva