Sharing Cancer News: Break 'm All! (first in a series)

How does one share with close friends and family the news of a cancer diagnosis?  Very carefully.

Seriously, that is one of the many challenges that accompany managing a serious disease.  You must be prepared to manage people and their reactions.  People get upset;. people don't know what to say ( I didn't used to--I'm better at it now).  I have found that I need to put the news in perspective and focus on the fact that I will be OK.  Some of the strongest reactions have come unexpectedly: my J Crew personal shopper burst into tears in the middle of the store (which actually was very sweet--she is one of my favorite people, and very ego-boosting, and I still go to J Crew as much, if not more, than I did pre-cancer.) An old friend seemed very uncomfortable with the news and has not been in contact . .  perhaps coincidence, but noticeable nonetheless. 

Perhaps my favorite raction was from BFF J 1 (note I have several BFF J's, and the #1 slot is purely alphabetical. It is captured in the brief e-mail exchange below, just after Thanksgiving of 2012, when I first told my close neighborhood friends, a pretty tight group, as we have been sharing adult beverages and related activities regularly since our kids (now college freshman) were in kindergarten. 

This exchange is well-illustrated by this life-size mosaic composed of broken dishes, called 'Broken Lady #3.  The talented and creative artist, Nancy W. Taylor, lives in Doylestown, PA. She is also my cousin, but I will not share tales of Summer camp on this post. :) 
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from: SD
to: BFFs J,J,B,K,C,N & S
Hello my dear friends--
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving & is enjoying having the birdies back in the nest for a few days. I'm loving having my sweet girl around!

Unfortunately, I have some unpleasant health news to share. My cancer is back and has spread to various lymph nodes and soft tissue: under my right arm (where my surgery was), under my breast bone, and in my retroperitoneum(soft tissue, inside of back bone).
Possible other spots are my skull (not brain), neck (a doc just mentioned that todsy . . .?), and the left side of my jaw (much discussion/debate about that . . . . It was a dental checkup/xray led to the rest of this. Yes, proper response is "f--k."

The good news is that it is not in any vital organs (brain scan clear, nothing in liver or lungs).  I had a bone scan on wed, and a catscan biopsy combo today, to get a second read on what type of breast cancer (it's possible it changed since 2010--if  I'm really lucky it may be estrogen-receptive breast cancer, but I think odds are slim.)  I'll know more on Tuesday, whe I meet with Dr Smith & get results. Likelihood is more chemo, & other drugs.  I'm told thus far that this is not life-threatening--I could live a long time, have chemo every few years, something better may be developed, etc.

Am sorry to be sharing this on a holiday weekend, via email, but I know i'll see many if you @ B's  tomorrow & want to have fun, rather than focusing on this. Also, I have told lovely daughter (LD) (focusing on the lucky, dentist may have found this really early aspect . . )--and she may tell some of your daughters--so I dont want you to hear it third-hand.

Take care, and see you soon.

Xo
SD
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from: J
To: SD
Well that sucketh. Hugs, hugs, love
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from: SD
To: J
Thx J (& all)!

And btw, I guess this is a good time to tell you that I broke one of your wine glasses at your beach house 2 weeks ago. Sorry. Don't know why I took glass out on the porch! Anyway, I purchased some sturdy plastic ones for you, to replace.

Xo, S
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from: J
to: SD

Break'm all!

J
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